I can be extroadibarily rebellious against what's good for me. It has frustrated me my whole life.

And loosely I think it may be at least partially down to a neglectful abusive upbringing with parents who didn't believe me re the sexual abuse, scapegoated me, were either invasive or physically abusive or neglectful and who expected me to perform well at school in order to show what good parents they were / because I was expected to obey them.

Now I have such troubles rebelling against…

Rebelling against what's good for you?